How to practice spirituality without going insane
Clown Spirituality part 2: The Three Ls
Sorry if you’ve received this post already! I accidentally sent it out early last month. This is part 2 of the Clown Spirituality series but it can be read on its own as a guide to practicing various woo techniques without messing yourself up. Subscribe below to receive part 3 sometime soon =)
Three months after our last encounter, I ran into the great clown Pagliacci again, this time at an ayahuasca ceremony.
PAGLIACCI: What the fuck are you doing here???
ME: Well, I figured that as part of my personal journey I would—
PAGLIACCI: You’re not ready for this shit! You trying to get one-shotted? Gigafry your brain? Get your dumbass gourd rearranged by—
ME: —some Mesoamerican 6D demon who makes me quit my email job? It’s almost like we read the same tweets!1
PAGLIACCI: Woah! Demon? Who said demon? Look kid, that cup of jungle juice over there is getting passed closer and closer; we don’t have much time. So listen closely.
ME: Yes, master.
PAGLIACCI: Ugh, enough with that! OK, let’s get you protected. So let’s say you want to practice this spirituality shit without going crazy or contracting a chronic health issue. Or whatever you just said about Mesoamerican demons. You like acronyms right? Well do I have the acronym for you, pal: LLL.
ME: Excuse me?
PAGLIACCI: The Three Ls. Laughter, Logic, and Love. The three Ls will keep you safe. Picture them on a shield: LLL.
ME: Can you explain those?
PAGLIACCI: Sure, chief.
Laughter
ME: Hit me.
PAGLIACCI: First up, Laughter: never take this stuff too seriously. If you can’t take a joke about your “spiritual practice,” then it’s gotten way too precious and culty. No reverence without irreverence, as we clowns say. From the way you’ve been paying me a sort of worshipful attention, I can tell you really need to work on this one.
ME: Sorry, master, I shall strive harder.
PAGLIACCI: No! Quit it with all the striving. Stay playful, my friend. 6-dimensional demon arises, going for your throat? Bop him on the head with a styrofoam mallet then give him a hamster friend and a lemon-lime popsicle.
ME: That’s oddly specific.
PAGLIACCI: It’s spontaneous. That’s play; stay loose.
ME: Stay loose, got it. Oh, how’s this: What did the monk say to the hot dog vendor?
PAGLIACCI: Sorry, I’ve heard this one a hundred—
ME: “Make me one with everything.”
PAGLIACCI: OK, not exactly spontaneous, but good one, funny guy. That helps me relax a little – I think you’re getting the hang of it.
Love
ME: What’s the second L?
PAGLIACCI: You’re never going to guess it.
ME: Is it love?
PAGLIACCI: It’s love.
ME: Of course!
PAGLIACCI: Don’t you “of course” me. Love is nontrivial. We already covered some of this in our last conversations. A result of your practice should be that you become more helpful to the people around you. But it’s also really friggin’ important for the practice itself to come from a place of tenderness during practice. Otherwise you might end up damaging yourself with the techniques. That’s especially prevalent in our culture of trying to aggressively fix ourselves. If your practice is feeling harsh or militaristic or perfectionist rather than heartful or generous or kind, then it’s time to take a chill pill. I recommend seeking inspiration from the most loving people you know, real or fictional.
ME: That makes me think of my grandma.
PAGLIACCI: Perfect, your granny. What’s she like?
ME: Well, she’s dead…
PAGLIACCI: Yikes! Well, that’ll still work. By the way, did you know that opening your heart is not just a metaphor? It’s what we call phenomenologically literal. You can find the experience of your heart in the center of your chest…
ME: Yup, got it.
PAGLIACCI: Now invite it to open.
ME: Wow that’s really nice.
PAGLIACCI: Right? Enjoy.
Logic
ME: I’m ready for the final L.
PAGLIACCI: It’s logic.
ME: Logic?
PAGLIACCI: Logic.
ME: I thought spirituality was about moving beyond the rational mind.
PAGLIACCI: It’s true, eventually you gotta move way beyond that. The rational mind has serious limitations. But that don’t mean you shouldn’t keep it as a companion. Stay pragmatic.
ME: How?
PAGLIACCI: Say you get a vision with some kinda goddess. She says your role on earth is to bring about “Shangri-La.” It’s not too rude to ask, “How do the economics work in Shangri-La?” If she’s really some kinda goddess, she can take it.
ME: Isn’t that, like, sacrilege?
PAGLIACCI: If that feels like sacrilege, then you’re in too deep my friend. Land the spaceship. Come back to earth. We’re doing experiential science here. Take some inspiration from one teacher I like. He said, “If scientific analysis were conclusively to demonstrate certain claims in Buddhism to be false, then we must accept the findings of science and abandon those claims.”
ME: Who said that?
PAGLIACCI: The current Dalai Lama. I shit you not! So see whether things actually work rather than taking a teacher’s word for it. Be curious: what are the actual mechanisms here? Does this “energy body” interact with cellular ATP? How does proximity of the hands mediate the effects of reiki? Past life regression: Is there evidence that these past lives might have literally existed, or are they just psychologically powerful metaphors? Do some research. Run experiments. Nothing is too holy to be tested.
ME: Does this all assume scientific materialism is true?
PAGLIACCI: Not necessarily. For all I know, angels and astral planes really do exist beyond the material world. But that don’t mean you can’t be curious about how those things work! Capeesh?
ME: Yeah. Got it, Logic.
PAGLIACCI: You sure you got it? Because that cup of la medicina is getting closer and closer and you kinda seem like you’re just taking in all the nonsense I say without any critical thinking. I can’t emphasize this enough. Most hippies are allergic to testing things empirically. So they end up cargo culting all this spiritual stuff without understanding how or why or whether it works. Imagine how powerful and compassionate your “spirituality” could be if you treated it as a research program rather than just taking things on faith from a guy like me. [Taps his head]
ME: Huh, a spiritual research program. It’s fun to envision a sangha that acts like a scientific research lab.
PAGLIACCI: I don’t know who put that thought in your head, but I like where you’re headed with that.
ME: Oh boy, they’re passing me the cup now.
PAGLIACCI: Don’t worry, you’ve got this! Hey, before you take a sip of that brew, recite them back to me.
ME: Laughter, love, and…uh…sorry I’m nervous.
PAGLIACCI: Logic.
ME: Laughter, love, and logic.
PAGLIACCI: That’s right! The Three Ls. Laughter, Love, and Logic. I like to remember them with the little jingle, “La Lo Lo! La Lo Lo!” Or that shield with three Ls on it that I mentioned. Oh, that’s quite a sip you just took there. OK, good luck!
ME: Luck – is that the fourth L?
PAGLIACCI: No. [Sips from the cup.]
THE BONUS L: Lucidity
ME: So…hm.
PAGLIACCI: What is it?
ME: I guess I’m a little disappointed. Anyone can do laughter, love, and logic.
PAGLIACCI: Yeah, that’s, like, the whole point.
ME: Isn’t there anything more…spiritual I can try? A spiritual technique?
PAGLIACCI: Ho boy.
ME: I’m sorry, I know that you said––
PAGLIACCI: No, it’s that your pupils just got as big as saucers.
ME: Ut oh.
PAGLIACCI: Don’t worry. Just remember: Laughter, Love, and Logic. Laughter, Love, and—
ME: [hanging my head] I was hoping there was a secret fourth L.
PAGLIACCI: Oh, there is.
ME: Really? What is it?
PAGLIACCI: Lucidity.
ME: Lucidity…
PAGLIACCI: The state of being lucid. I’m talkin’ raw awareness. Raw awareness is the universal solvent. It can dissolve whatever mishegoss you run into, from some kind of crazy ghost to addictive states of super duper bliss. All that stuff is just a wave in the sea of awareness, or, like, a cloud in the sky. And pure awareness is all ok all the time.
ME: What do you mean by “pure awareness?”
PAGLIACCI: The “space” in which all thoughts and perceptions happen. It’s what a lot of meditation was supposed to get you in touch with before all this mindfulness shit flooded the culture. It’s like a clear bright nothing, or the silence that follows the ringing of a bell. You’ve never experienced that? No? You’ve probably experienced it without realizing. But lemme get my little list of prompts. [He fishes amongst the junk in his pockets for another piece of receipt paper.] Here we go. Maybe one of these will do something for you:
Here’s a question, and please don’t answer it with words like a fuckin’ idiot: What is aware of awareness?
Pretend to experience what it was like before you were born.
Have you ever been knocked unconscious or anesthetized? Remember what it was like during that period of senselessness and thoughtlessness.
Find, in experience, that which does not change from moment to moment or day to day.
Notice how your experience of an object across the room exists at zero distance. Stuff might be physically far away from you, but your *experience* of that stuff doesn’t involve distance. Relatedly, you can picture the word YO in your mind’s eye. The distance between the Y and the O is just imaginary, right? It’s all in your head so to speak. Everything you experience is like that, no distance. Cool, now notice the distanceless “place” it all exists in.
Pretend that everything you’re experiencing right now is a dream: not just everything around you but also your thoughts and feelings – all a dream. So none of these things *in* the dream are synonymous with the dreamer, right? They’re all made up. Now find the dreamer.
Any of those work for you?
ME: I’m not sure. I feel really high right now.
PAGLIACCI: Aright, well here’s something you can fall back on for Lucidity. Let’s say some crazy spiritual experience is bothering you. Say you’ve delved deep into the imaginal plane to integrate your inner child, and you’ve found him riding a magic carpet in the basement of a cave under a mountain on a cloud or some shit. But oh no, his bloody guts are falling out and a monster is feasting on them!
ME: Oh god, I see it!
PAGLIACCI: Alright, well, if you’re not in a place to embrace that kind of cuckoo bananas stuff, just remember that your brain or whatever is making it all up. In fact, I recommend not engaging this stuff as “spirituality” at all, but to act like you’re doing a LARP or a piece of theater. You throw yourself in with similar immersion – the play needs to be convincing, right? – but you can pop out at any time.
ME: That’s relieving.
PAGLIACCI: OK, that’s it! The three Ls. Laughter, Love, and Logic. Plus one bonus L: Lucidity. Have a great trip, my friend! [Lies back]
ME: Got it. Thanks, Pagliacci.
At this point, a 6D Mesoamerican demon appeared and demanded my blood. I laughed at it from a place of love, and realized that, logically, there was no knowing whether it was actually there or just a figment of my mind. I relaxed into raw awareness and let both myself and the 6D Mesoamerican demon be lively waves in the great sea of consciousness. Surprisingly, it turned out it wasn’t a demon at all; I’d just been staring at my own clenched fist. I unclenched the fist.
https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/oneshotted-by-a-6d-mesoamerican-ayahuasca-demon#fn1
So good! The opening your heart exercise is wonderful (and painful) and I love the descriptor “phenomenologically literal”
Enjoying the posts which I usually read in email. It’s quite easy to forget the author’s name in that case. It takes three clicks to find out; how many will do those clicks? I now read quite a few Substack for which I have no idea who is writing them. If you want people to know your real name, need to have it show up in the emails.