Very good. Can I add something? It can also be a huge help for the party who is practicing 'being approachable' to also practice handling positive tension. That means things like holding eye contact for longer than feels comfortable; leaving a longer and more meaningful pause after saying 'I'd so much *love* to go and visit [quirky thing] one day'; not jumping to help them out in a gap in the conversation
The minority of women who have told me they approach said they had great results from it.
Some thoughts on easing into approaching:
- Doling out non-physical compliments to people, including same gender / ones you are not interested in, without initially having the goal of connecting more, can be a nice way to get comfortable with initiating some contact. It is a helpful experience that this is generally positive value for the recipients.
- Spaces which explicitly accept approaching are also helpful. You mentioned social dance, networking events and sex positive spaces are also good. If practicing approaching is the goal, these settings allow for a larger number of approaches than shared interest groups, where often the same people keep showing up
The reason why a lot of this exists is more inner game issue than skill issue. Men have not unlocked their inner masculinity to approach. Women have not unlocked their inner femininity to be approachable. Solving that? A whole can of worms usually traced back to childhood patterns. But it can be done!
Very good. Can I add something? It can also be a huge help for the party who is practicing 'being approachable' to also practice handling positive tension. That means things like holding eye contact for longer than feels comfortable; leaving a longer and more meaningful pause after saying 'I'd so much *love* to go and visit [quirky thing] one day'; not jumping to help them out in a gap in the conversation
Reminds me of a quote from Auden -
"Truth, like love and sleep, resents approaches that are too intense".
Wonderful article!
The minority of women who have told me they approach said they had great results from it.
Some thoughts on easing into approaching:
- Doling out non-physical compliments to people, including same gender / ones you are not interested in, without initially having the goal of connecting more, can be a nice way to get comfortable with initiating some contact. It is a helpful experience that this is generally positive value for the recipients.
- Spaces which explicitly accept approaching are also helpful. You mentioned social dance, networking events and sex positive spaces are also good. If practicing approaching is the goal, these settings allow for a larger number of approaches than shared interest groups, where often the same people keep showing up
The GIF was amazing.
The reason why a lot of this exists is more inner game issue than skill issue. Men have not unlocked their inner masculinity to approach. Women have not unlocked their inner femininity to be approachable. Solving that? A whole can of worms usually traced back to childhood patterns. But it can be done!